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Reason #256: Hiding behind sunglasses

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Ever since the complete and utter failure of my marriage, I have spent a lot of time crying.  I cry a lot while driving.  Probably not the safest thing in the world, but I can’t help it.  It’s the only time when I do not have anything else to distract myself with, so I end up alone with my thoughts.  And these thoughts make me cry.

I wear sunglasses so that the other drivers don’t see me cry.  Is that weird?  I’m not sure.

I used to cry solely from the effects and memories of being abused.  Now I cry from that and my failed marriage.  All while hiding behind sunglasses.

One of the things that survivors of child sexual abuse innately learn is that no one is interested in seeing their tears or hearing them cry.  If they were interested in that, they wouldn’t have left us in situations where we were so easily abused.  Plus, most of the time when we cry about it afterwards, people don’t get it, and we quickly learn to hide our tears.

“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.”  – Muriel Rukeyser

 



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